Relationships Sundays

“There are times when wisdom cannot be found in the chambers of parliament or the halls of academia but at the unpretentious setting of the kitchen table.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri

It is a well-known phenomenon that as kids get older it seems harder to spend quality time together as a family. This could easily be chalked up to the fact that all kids grow up, gain independence, and have their own friends and interests. That’s a given, but I’m not convinced it necessarily has to spell doom for having fun as a family by any means. There’s certainly more to it than that, and growing up doesn’t have to mean the end of enjoying time together.

As the years go by and kids grow up, schedules tend to get more complex with school, sports, and activities. And it’s also remarkably easy to fall into the rut of school, homework, dinner, sleep, repeat. And, if we’re being completely honest, it’s worth mentioning that some kids develop a zany theory that their parents aren’t the coolest people in the world anymore. Quite honestly, I don’t know where they come up with this stuff, but that’s beside the point.

Before you know it, gone are the days of your kids wanting to spend every waking moment with you. And I try to remind myself of that a lot. If you’re currently caught up in the midst of children tailing you around your house for 24 hours – that might even sound like a comforting reprieve. But it’s important to also be cognizant of how much we’ll miss it when it’s gone.

The older the kids get, the more precious of a commodity family time becomes. When they’re young, the quality time is practically built-in, and it’s easy to take it for granted. But if you aren’t consciously and intentionally finding common interests and having fun together now – it will be incredibly hard to tack it on artificially on the back end.

There’s also a lot to be said about the habits and routines we all inevitably fall back on during our relaxing time. Everybody knows that downtime is scarce when our schedules get crazy. And in those few quiet moments, people tend to gravitate towards their own corners of their house - usually to look at one screen or another. And before you realize it – every waking moment of freedom could be spent in front of the TV or your phone.

The obvious solution is to change those habits or routines – or, ideally, build good habits from the beginning. Take reading aloud books to your children as an example. If you read to your children almost every single night of their lives from the day they are born, there’s a good chance this tradition could go on into their teens. Our son is currently 10, and reading aloud novels is still a very popular and natural pastime in our house.

But, on the flip side, you can probably imagine that attempting to begin this tradition at age 10 would not go quite as swimmingly. We’re all creatures of habit, and asking a 10-year-old to listen to a book or play a board game with you out of the blue (especially when their nightly schedule for the last 6 years has been 3 hours of Minecraft) is not an easy task. There’s quite a bit to be said about the tradition and the routine - and the relationships (and perhaps even the trust) that we build through the years.

And that’s where family game night comes in. With a little luck, having long-held traditions like family game night in place can absolutely hold off the decay of quality time spent together. Traditions and routine do a remarkable job of getting everyone over that psychological hurdle of choice. The tradition becomes a force of habit, for both kids and parents. It’s just something you do.

So if you’re on the search for more ways to spend real, quality time together with your family, I highly recommend implementing a regularly-scheduled family game night - or a regularly-scheduled anything. There are of course limitless possibilities in the world for spending time together, and finding a mutual interest that works for your family is priority number one.

In a general sense, I suppose you could apply this philosophy to absolutely anything. It’s really just the old saying of actually setting aside time for the things you want to prioritize - which in this case is spending time with loved ones. You could just as easily plan a weekly hike, for example, but this is an article about family game night - and there are very few activities that compare to the interaction, cooperation, and bonding that takes place around a board game.

With a weekly family game night, that built-in quality time you have when your kids are young kids doesn’t have to go away. And surely that’s reason enough to give it a try. But, if you need even more reasons to start your own regularly-scheduled family game night, I’ll try to oblige with a small list of a few of my favorite benefits.

The Benefits of Family Game Night

Brain-Boosting Benefits

The brain-boosting benefits of playing board games with kids can’t be denied. The benefits of games like chess are clear to see, but all games have their own benefits. Children are going to learn abstract skills like planning, logic, and memory. The frontal lobe of the brain that’s responsible for metacognition really gets a big workout whenever strategy is involved. 

And you’ll also often find repetition of concrete skills in family games – like basic math skills or colors and shapes for the little ones. If you toss in the fact that kids are constantly working on their fine motor skills - rolling dice and grabbing cards - it’s easy to see why games make brains happy. After all, there isn’t a style of homeschooling called “gameschooling” for nothing.

Social Skills

The social skills that you learn from playing board games are very much akin to the social skills you develop from playing organized sports. And chief among those skills are teamwork and sportsmanship. With proper role modeling and good leadership – playing games can definitely teach kids how to both lose and win with grace. And, as a dad and a teacher and a coach, I value both of those abilities a lot.

But, for our family, nothing tops the opportunity for us to cooperate. We’re crazy about cooperative games, and we play them far more often than competitive games. And those cooperation skills the kids are practicing will very likely have an effect on all sorts of things – from future job aspirations to relationships and friendships. And it’s a great feeling when the whole family has a common mission. When you stop and think about it, there are very few occasions in life to legitimately come together as a team and work together as a family.

Building Happy Memories

When describing why any activity is “good for kids”, it’s easy to jump to the academic benefits - and to forget the importance of having fun. It’s not because of math or motor skills that I have fond memories of playing games with my parents. I have fond memories of playing games because of the bonding, the imagination, and the fun. And those fond memories are not to be underestimated.

I’m a big proponent of building up the childlike wonder in our kids, and board games are a great way to do just that. Like a good book, board games have the ability to fire up our imaginations and transport us to new places. And the memories they make can set them up for a lifetime of happiness.

Immediate Family Relations

What is your favorite game to play for family games night?