Relationships Sundays

Abuse & The Abuser

Financial Abuse

Have you ever been in a financially abusive relationship or situation? 

I often listen to a financial podcast where callers phone in with their problems and the number of callers who are being manipulated in their finances is astounding. Sometimes it’s a spouse who has ultimate control over the money and abuses that power. Sometimes it’s a parent/child relationship where the parent has taken our credit cards in the child’s name and ran up a bunch of debt. Sometimes it’s a grown child taking advantage of an aging parent and coercing them to sign over assets. Every example is heartbreaking.

Financial abuse is often misunderstood - or completely missed altogether - because it doesn’t leave any visible signs. However, it is a devastating form of control that leaves the abused economically dependent on the abuser. This makes it very difficult to leave the relationship. Like 

Most forms of abuse, the abuser has found a way of manipulating and controlling the victim.

Like so many forms of abuse, it can be hard to put parameters around what is and what isn’t abuse. That being said, here are a few examples of what financial abuse can look like:

• Controlling access to funds: giving an allowance, demanding receipts for everything, or keeping money secrets.

• Sabotaging employment opportunities: preventing the victim from working, or forcing them to quit.

• Accumulating debt in the victim’s name: opening credit cards or taking out loans without the victim’s knowledge or consent.

• Withholding money: refusing to provide money for basic needs like food, medication, or shelter. (I’ve seen this one go so far as to control the victim’s ability to get a haircut).

• Coercion: pressuring the victim to sign legal documents, like tax forms or mortgages, that they don’t understand or agree with.

These are just some examples of financial abuse, but it can be much more subtle things where the abuser controls and manipulates the victim consistently over time. If you recognize these signs in your life or someone you know, please recognize that this behaviour is not ok, and there is help available.