Leaving

You're leaving? Why are you leaving? What did I do?
Are you mad at me? Am I not good enough for you?
Please don't go.
I'll . . . I'll do anything! Anything! I promise!
Just please
Don't
Leave.
Don't leave me here alone.
Please. I beg you.
Stay. Stay here with me.
There is still so much I want to
Do with you
Tell you, and I want to
Just be
With
You.
But no.
You tell me it's not my fault. You just have to go. You can't stay.
And
You
Go, with a smile and maybe a wave goodbye, you close the door on me
Forever. You leave me here
Alone.
My heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces
As rivers of raw, salty emotion run down my face.
I can't bear it.
I can't bear it without
You here
With me.
It happened again, my mind whispers ominously.
What's wrong with you? Why does everyone leave?
You'd better figure it out quick if you don't want to be
Alone
Forever.
I start to agree, but then I
Stop.
Because I remember.
I remember
Him.
I tiptoe into His
Workroom, not daring to disturb Him at His work.
Quietly, I sit down near the door,
Ready to make a quick escape if I need to.
Folding my arms over my chest, I protect myself, and my heart
From the rebuke that's sure to come when He notices me.
He'll tell me what I've been doing wrong. I need to know!
Yet at the same time, I long for him to see me
And whisper words of comfort to my shattered heart.
And I know deep down that He won't rebuke me.
His back is to me, but He heard me, like He always does.
Nothing escapes His notice.
He turns to me, His eyes sparkling with love.
His glorious eyes (oh, how I love His eyes!)
Sweep over me, take me in, all of me.
He sees the folded arms.
He comes to me and kneels in front of me.
I refuse to look at Him.
I will not! I will not let Him see me weak and vulnerable!
But He gently cups my face
In His tender, warm hands,
And lifts my gaze
Until my eyes meet His.
I know right then He is able to see into the depths of my very being.
Though He already knows why I am here,
Still He waits for me to tell Him.
I have put on a brave face for Him.
I want to please him so!
I want to be brave, and strong, for only then (I tell myself) will He approve.
But as His beautiful eyes look tenderly into mine,
My resolve begins to crumble. The walls come crashing down,
A single tear trickles down my cheek, and I look away.
But He cups my chin in His hands
And brings me back,
And when I look again into His face,
His eyes are filled with tears.
He knows. He knows. He KNOWS.
And I find myself crumpling to the ground
Under the weight of everything
Weeping, with my head in my hands.
He pulls me close, and I give in.
He holds me tenderly as I cry into His shoulder.
And He weeps with me.
Daughter, I see how they hurt you.
Abba, why did they leave? Everyone always does. Is it because of me?
Child, it is not you. Only I am constant. It is not you. You are my Beloved. I will never leave you. I've got you. You are enough. You are never alone.
We sit like that for a long time,
His arms around me, whispering truth into my ear.
I could
Stay here
Forever.